she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
