Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
