i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
