Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
