Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
