No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
