Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
