just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
