Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
