was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
