The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
