The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
