yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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