so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
