we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
