I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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