I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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