after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
