Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
