I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
