dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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