Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
