hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
