Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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