I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
