i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
