i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
