Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
