my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
