I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
