I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
