Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
