took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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