I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
