Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
