just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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