glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
