Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
