I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
