I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
