you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
