He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The uberlube is also flammable
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
