dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
