when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
