im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
