you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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