so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
