Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
