Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
