I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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