I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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