i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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