Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
